I Don’t Get Watching Sports

My grandmother, who stood almost 5 feet tall in her slippers, was a sports fan.

She watched football. When I was in college, back when “toll calls” cost money, the one time she called me was when one of my college’s football games was on television. Why, she demanded to know, was it on TV … since my college’s team was so bad?

She watched baseball. (She rooted for the Red Sox and for whoever was playing against the Yankees.) She would watch one game on TV, with the sound turned off because the announcer was irritating, while listening to a different game on the radio.

She watched bowling and golf, and I am here to tell you, the only thing more boring than watching fat men bowl is watching somewhat skinnier men golf. When the golfer hits the ball and the camera shows a shot of the sky, do you ever see the ball? I don’t.

I did not take after my grandmother, re sports.

When I wrote about beer, I would have to Google the teams they were sponsoring to see what sport we were talking about.

I am possibly the only person in Texas who is unaware of the Superbowl.

It boggles my mind that the local TV news will spend 10 of its 28 minutes on sports.

And interviews with athletes? They seem to be nice people, but why?

“What’s your plan for the game?”

“Well, we are really going to try to win.”

I admit, sometimes, at the gym, there will be a mens’ soccer game on TV. If I ever become a sports fan, it will be for that because, as far as I can tell, there is no such thing as a bad-looking professional soccer player.