Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Irritating Drivers

Let’s just say it’s a good thing I can never find that place on my steering wheel that blows the horn. (Does anyone else have this problem?)

I’ll start with the ones my father-in-law calls Courtesy Nuts. These drivers stop unexpectedly in traffic to allow someone to go first. Even though I’m sometimes the one looking to pull out, I think everybody should just follow the rules. And if you don't go when a Courtesy Nut stops for you (even if going would cause you to be creamed by that truck they're oblivious to), they'll get all huffy.
However, Intentional Blockers refuse to let other cars merge when they clearly have to get over, like their lane is ending. Missed the day the rest of us learned turn-taking in preschool, I guess.

Ass Draggers aren’t 100% sure they want to make that turn, so they make it very slowly. Listen, buddy, commit to getting your ass off the road.

Louis CK talks about drivers who insist on going their “favorite way.” Like the Favorite-Way Driver who cut me off to take a left she – oh my God! – almost missed. I didn’t hit her; the tailgating driver behind me, however, hit me and totaled my car, because FW Driver couldn't go up half a block and do a U-turn.

Tail-gating is one of the most dangerous driving habits you can have, causing up to 40% of all accidents. The worst Tail-Gaters are the ones who ride someone’s ass to bully them (and all the cars in front of them, I guess) into going faster. How dare they and Weavers, slipping in and out of lanes to gain a few seconds, endanger everybody else?

 As my grandfather used to say, “Hurry up! Or you’ll be late for your accident.”

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