Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Things I Don’t Miss As My Children Grow Up

Car seats. Infernal contraptions, virtually impossible to install correctly.

Car sickness. A particular incident, involving the reappearance of a large amount of Cheetos, all over the car seat (see above) and car, is seared into my memory.

Being responsible for other people’s bodily functions. When children feel like they are going to throw up, they run toward you – and you’re not supposed to run away.

Potty training. Some people snidely wonder why young parents might procrastinate on potty training. It’s because, when you take that diaper off, you’ve just made your life a whole lot more complicated for the foreseeable future. There is no such thing as a convenient time for your child to poop his pants.

Getting to school on time in the morning. There’s a period in the raising of a child when you are the only one who can tell time and the only one who cares.

(Some) children’s books, movies and music. My kids were the only ones in their preschool classes who didn’t know the Barney clean-up song. I didn’t know it was a prerequisite. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to abide watching it with them.

Flying with small children. When I get on a plane now, carrying just the book I will be reading, I look on the young parents, weighed down with car seats (see above) and gargantuan diaper bags, with pity.

Disgusted strangers. Yes, sometimes babies and toddlers cry on planes. But you know what? Strangers who roll their eyes and make snide comments for the parents to hear make the situation worse, not better.

No comments:

Post a Comment