Bump It Up

I spend a lot of time in traffic.

And I have become fascinated with how people decorate their cars.

I’m talking bumper stickers, the car equivalent of tattoos.

Full disclosure: I am boring. Until recently, I had no bumper stickers on my completely unremarkable gray car. (Honestly, I can never find it in parking lots.) Then, my daughter stuck on one each for her high-school sports (soccer and rugby).

 

And I did put an Obama/Biden one on. I just had to, here in Houston, with all those crazy ones out there. For instance: “Secede.” When I see that one, I want to catch up to the person and say, "Really?"

Incidentally, when it comes to political bumper stickers, there is a number – I’d say, two – beyond which you shouldn’t go, no matter how reasonable you think your positions are.

And people argue, with strangers, through bumper stickers. The Christian fish and the Darwin fish, for example. Or all the answers to “My child is an honor student”: “My kid can beat up your honor student,” “My poodle is smarter than your honor student” and, sadly, “My child has more chromosomes than your honor student.”

 

I even saw this answer to those little stick-figure families:

Yes, they are doing what you think they are.

My parents never put a sticker from my college on their car. At the time, I didn’t understand. But now I do: it’s gross to boast about your kid’s school to everyone who happens to end up behind you. (There. I said it.)

I do, however, really like this bumper sticker:

 

And there are some that never get old:

“Don’t like my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT”

“Mean People Suck”

and

“Please stop honking. Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”