Monday, July 1, 2013

Personal Mottoes

Die Antwoord
Maybe personal mottoes are childish. 

Often, they're the flailings of  people who find themselves working in sales, desperately trying to steel themselves for rejection. Example: “The best is yet to BE!!” which I recently saw on the bottom of a business email.

However, I do have several that I’d like to use – on the bottom of emails, on voice mail, on a t-shirt, even on the welcome mat to my house, if only I had the guts.

On the bottom of my emails:

“Aw, fuck it. You win.”
From the song by Hanni El Kathib, which you can listen to here.

Or maybe

“If you can’t say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.”
                                                                        Alice Roosevelt Longworth

This wouldn’t inspire confidence in the people I am trying to interview for magazine articles, though. But, really, I don’t trust people who refuse to say anything bad about anyone or anything. I figure that, sooner or later, they’re going to blow.

Or maybe

“Yippie ki yay, motherfucker, I’m a BIG deal!”

As my voice-mail message:

“What fresh hell is this?!”
How the writer Dorothy Parker, in the days before voice mail, used to answer her phone.

(You’ve gotta know she would have loved the ability to screen.)

or just

"WHAT?!" (beep)

And what I’d like on the “welcome” mat to my house:

“Oh, happy freaking day, you’re here.”

On second thought, maybe I should keep my personal mottoes to myself.


  1. One of my personal favorite motto's is "You will not like my second option". This came about because of my daughters complaining. For example: " AW mom, you only gave me 12 cheese doodles", So I say," very good, you can count.(I snatch away 4), now how many do you have?". Or "Mom, can I go over Vicki's?" I say, "Yes, be home by 9." She say's, "AW mom". I say,"OK, be home by 7". This cured them of complaining FAST! and taught them how to ask for what they want effectively.