One woman said, “I told the teacher that there was only one rule in our house … And that was
‘Obey’” and then later added, “I didn't even want to hear ‘Yes, ma'am’ when I told my son to do
something. As I told him, all I wanted to hear was the sound of his feet moving
to do what I told him to do.”
Unlike this
person, I don’t think you have to be a dick to raise children. In fact, I think
you shouldn’t be.
My mother said
the best advice she ever got came from our pediatrician. He said, “Try not to
say no. Say it only when you absolutely have to. But once you do say it, stick
with it.”
He was
referring to the very few things a parent needs to stand firm on: not running
into traffic, for instance.
I guess
demanding obedience seems simpler. Plus, I suspect some parents get off on it.
But it doesn’t
work. You can’t order a toddler to sleep, though you can battle her down. Forcing a kid to choke down food he doesn’t
like is a sure-fire way to make sure he never likes it.
And, in the
long run, if all you ever do is order your children around, don’t be surprised when
they never come to you for advice.
Ironically,
teenagers LOVE to talk about sex and drugs and other issues they face.
But they won’t
– can’t – talk to a drill-sergeant parent.
And they need
to talk … preferably to you. It’s how they’ll understand why you think what you
do. It’s how they’ll learn to think for themselves.
And that – rather
than obedience – should be the goal.
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